Sunday, September 27, 2009

Out of Sickness

Coming out of sickness...

Last Saturday evening I got very sick, very fast. Since then I've been fighting some sort of cough, cold, and utterly exhausting disease. Its really hard for me to be sick because I am such an active person. Since elementary school I've been the kid that wanted recess all day long and wouldn't sit still for a haircut. I would walk around the salon literally while they cut my hair. I'm sure in some way this relates to my spiritual life. I've always experienced God through adventure. In taking risks and being in nature I have had the best days of my life. At the same time, it might be possible that my inability to rest physically relates to my inability to rest spiritually.

Its hard for me to slow down and simply BE with God. I find so much worth in what I DO, and lately God's been reminding me, to simply BE HIS. I said simply, but its anything but that for me. I get lost in finding my worth in what others think of me and how well I think I'm doing a job. I realize when people ask me how I am doing, I am have no real idea, because I haven't slowed down enough to really reflect on how I am doing personally. So I'm kinda rambling, but I'm just processing this now.

As I begin to feel my body healing, I am excited about joining LA Fitness and starting up a kick boxing class. Its funny but I started watching old episodes of Alias and I think Jennifer Garner is pretty cool. I'm also thinking about training for a sprint triathlon in Miami in April and I'm excited about getting back into swimming. At the same time I just dropped some serious G's to buy a 9.0 Channin surfboard. O my, as I type this I realize how much activity I have planned in the coming months.

My prayer is that amidst all these crazy hobbies and endeavors I would strive for balance and rest. If anyone is reading this you should ask me in a few weeks if I'm finding that balance. I could use the accountability. Hopefully I won't be too stubborn to listen. =)




Friday, September 25, 2009

A reminder

I wrote this about a year ago and I can still identify with every word. Thought I would post it since I haven't written anything in awhile.


Truthfully I'm blind you see
Got a world of weight on my shoulders
Couldn't tell you where its coming from
Only distractions keeping me running from
Facing you, hearing your Voice

O strip away this numb feeling
Tell this voice to go away thats stealing
My joy

Material possessions clinging
To this world, but we're leaving
Everything behind, why
So much turmoil inside

Is it a costume I'm wearing
Trying to be something other than me
In control with responsibility
At best I am weak

And so this feelings'
Got me facing reality
I'm nothing you see
In the hands of Majesty
A king so great and so mighty
Holding me, indefinitely

And its here I find
My Abba's love for me
The costume disappearing
The weight transferring
Held now by hands that created the Universe
I find a new identity, defining me as His Child

No more costume wearing
Living up to others expectations,
Disparing

No I'm Jenny, your daughter
Experiencing, the all encompassing love of a Father
Forgiving, not judging me
Embracing, ever patient with me,
Never reluctant, always truthful,
Always kind, Listening to me
Full of mercy
This love I find
Indescriminately holding me
Forever
My daddy's hand in mine